Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My Life as a Eugene O'Neill Play

Long Night's Journey into Night: A Short One Act Play

Cast of Characters:
UNCLE: Uncle Brian, my dad's youngest sibling. In his late 40s, early 50s. Burnt-out.
AUNT: Aunt Julie, my dad's older sister. In her late 50s. Lonely.
CHRIS: Uncle Brian's oldest son. 17. Senior in high school. Smart-ass.
ANDREW: Uncle Brian's youngest son. 15. Sophomore in high school. Jock.
BRIAN and BEN: Unsuspecting travelers in their early 20s. Scared.

Setting: The dining room of my uncle's house. 10pm. Chris and Andrew play video games off stage. Uncle Brian and Aunt Julie work on dinner in the adjoining kitchen. Brian and Ben sit at the dining room table, unsure what to do. Uncle Brian enters with some fish.

UNCLE (to Chris and Andrew): Kill it! Come set the table.

BRIAN: Oh, it's all right. We can help you set the-

UNCLE: Kill it, boys!

Chris and Andrew enter the dining room.

ANDREW: Dad...

UNCLE: Help Auntie Julie set the table.

BEN: We can help, too.

BRIAN: What do you need?

Aunt Julie enters with a salad. Chris and Andrew remain seated. Brian grabs the salad dressing, Ben gets silverware.

UNCLE: Do you guys want something do drink?

BRIAN: Uh-

UNCLE: That's right, you're old enough now. Beer, wine? Soda? Water?

BRIAN: I'll have a water.

BEN: Me too.

UNCLE: So tame.

Uncle Brian leaves to grab some water. He brings back two waters and a Coors Light for himself.

AUNT (to Brian and Ben): Go ahead, dig in.

BRIAN: Oh, it's okay, you can go first.

UNCLE: We already ate.

Brian and Ben stare at the massive amount of food on the table. Fish, salad, rice. All this for two people? While they're serving themselves...

UNCLE (to Chris): Did you vacuum today?

CHRIS: Yeah.

Uncle Brian drinks his beer, looking at Chris.

UNCLE: You sure?

CHRIS: Yeah.

A beat.

UNCLE: So, Brian, Chris is also interested in creative writing. What is that, anyway?

Tense laughter.

BRIAN: Well, you know, it's anything, really. Short stories, scripts, whatever.

CHRIS: It's such an inane debate. It boils down to the eternal question: whether you want an empty stomach or a full wallet.

UNCLE: And how do you get a job in creative writing?

BRIAN: Uh-

BEN: Actually, as soon as you graduate, they give you a fancy car, a corner office, and all the money you want.

Tense laughter.

ANDREW: Like in that cartoon, the swimming pool full of gold coins.

No one laughs.

CHRIS: So, in college, does everyone stay up late talking?

UNCLE: If there's a keg.

BRIAN (dismissing Uncle Brian): Yeah, sure. I've had a few of those.

CHRIS: What do you talk about?

BRIAN: Whatever. All sorts of stuff.

UNCLE: Chris only applied to four schools.

BRIAN: Oh yeah? Which-

ANDREW (coughing under his breath): Procrastinator!

CHRIS: It's a family thing.

UNCLE: No, you knew the deadlines-

CHRIS: How long have you been working on your thesis, Dad?

UNCLE: And he's taking six AP classes, too. His senior year, six AP classes.

BRIAN: Whoa, that's a lot.

UNCLE: I told him not to. I told him to relax. But he took six fucking AP classes.

CHRIS: It's not that bad.

UNCLE: Are your grades slipping?

CHRIS: Well-

UNCLE: Are your grades slipping?

CHRIS (thinks): They've gone down from an A to an A-

UNCLE: Uh huh... So, Ben, do you have a job?

BEN: Well, uh, no. I just finished an internship at a theater in Virginia, but the contract ran up and I chose not to renew it. So we'll see, we'll see.

UNCLE: And what about you, Brian?

BRIAN: I'm actually teaching SAT-prep classes for Kaplan.

UNCLE: Andrew just got his PSAT scores back.

BRIAN: Oh yeah? How'd you do?

ANDREW: Well-

UNCLE: They weren't very good.

ANDREW: It was around 1500.

BRIAN: Oh, okay. Well, for a sophomore that isn't too-

CHRIS: I did better.

ANDREW: Well, at least I did better than Andrew Jong.

CHRIS: Yeah?

ANDREW: Yeah, he only got 14 something.

UNCLE (pointing to Andrew): He's also only taking two AP classes.

ANDREW: Tennis takes up a lot of my time, though.

CHRIS (to Brian and Ben): Hey, do you guys want to check out my room? I have lots of drawings I've done up on the walls. I've been writing this long story-

UNCLE: How long have you been writing that thing?

CHRIS: Since sixth grade.

UNCLE: Jesus Christ.

CHRIS: Anyway, the pictures tie into the story.

BRIAN (forcing the enthusiasm): Sounds cool.

ANDREW: Yeah, and then you can check out my room, too.

CHRIS: Andrew just has a guitar and video games in his room.

BEN: No, it's okay, we can see both of your rooms.

CHRIS: Great, let's-

UNCLE (to Chris): Did you vacuum today?

CHRIS: Yeah, Dad, I vacuumed today.

ANDREW (coughing under his breath again): No he didn't.

CHRIS: Shut up.

UNCLE: 'Cause there's one part of my bedroom that still has dirt in it. I know you didn't vacuum today. You have one job -- one job -- and you can't even do that.

A beat.

BRIAN: Hey, let's go check out your guys' rooms.

The boys exit the stage.

AUNT: Brian and Ben can stay with me tonight.

UNCLE: No, it's all right. They're already here.

AUNT: Yeah, but I brought them over.

UNCLE: They want to catch up with the boys.

AUNT: But I finally unpacked everything in my house. I've got room for visitors.

UNCLE: No, don't worry about it. We've got room here.

Aunt Julie picks up some dishes and takes them to the kitchen. Uncle Brian finishes his beer. Curtain falls.


Artistic liberties? Sure! But that's the gist of it.

Welcome to Seattle!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aaaahahaha. That was fabulous!